Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines) Read online

  She watched as the yellow tennis ball sailed through the sky and the puppy raced after it, stumbling over its own large paws. The ball was almost too big to fit in the little dog’s mouth, but somehow she managed. She ran back to where Sara and Cam were calling and waiting for the imp to return. Pup-Pup hadn’t quite gotten the concept of dropping the ball though. Sara chased after her trying to get the ball back. What started as a game of fetch now looked more like a game of tag. Sara didn’t seem to mind. She was a blur of motion, her brown hair in a ponytail streaming behind her. Liv smiled to herself as she listened to her daughter’s constant chatter and laughter. Cam didn’t know what he was in for when he offered to play with Sara and the puppy. Sara was a force of nature. Her lips didn’t stop moving until her body betrayed her each night and she succumbed to sleep. Sara often fell asleep in mid-sentence. At eight years old, she had a lot to say.

  Liv turned her attention to Cam. He had the ball back now and gave it to Sara to throw. Pup-Pup was jumping up trying to catch it. Cam leaned over and whispered something in her ear and Sara laughed. Sara took to him right away. Cam had an easy way with children. He patted Sara’s head and then they were off chasing the puppy again. She was amazed he looked so natural with her daughter. She wondered if he had any children of his own. He must be married by now, she thought as she continued studying him. How long had it been since she’d last seen him? Ten years? Many a day, she and Cam hiked the trails that crisscrossed the area. She’d just turned nine when they met. Almost the same age Sara was now, Liv mused. It was the first summer she got to spend at Lake of the Pines alone with her grandparents. Her parents and two older sisters, Lisa and Jen, were taking a vacation to Spain. Her parents thought she and her younger sister, Maddy, were too young to enjoy the Spanish culture. So Livvy got to spend the summer with her grandparents at the lake, while Maddy stayed with their other set of grandparents. Although she was a little nervous about being away from her parents for so long, Livvy didn’t mind. In fact, she was ecstatic about getting to go to the lake and be an “only child” for the summer. Cam was a bit older than she was at nine and a half. The half was important back then. His family spent every summer at their summer home on the other side of the lake. Her mind wandered back to the day they met.

  That first summer she didn’t know anyone but her grandparents. She was shy and liked to spend time in the cottage playing cards with her grandparents or reading in the hammock. She’d only been there a couple of days and already she felt home-sick. Her grandma insisted that Liv wouldn’t miss home so much once she made some summer friends. Hannah assured her she would make friends quickly, but Liv wasn’t so confident. The state park on the other side of the lake offered lots of activities for kids – nature hikes, crafts, games… Hannah wanted her to go on one of the nature hikes, but Liv wasn’t too sure she wanted to go.

  “You’ll be fine Livvy. You’ll meet lots of kids your age.”

  “I don’t know Grandma. My stomach really hurts. Can’t I just go lie down and go the next time?”

  “Nonsense, Livvy! The fresh air will do you some good! Come on. If you throw up, then you can come back home.”

  Reluctantly, Liv went along. When they got to the head of the nature trail, Liv saw a group of kids laughing and carrying on as they waited for the hike to start. They obviously already knew each other. Liv felt like an outcast; self-conscious and unsure. Then she saw Cam standing off to the side of the trail all alone. He had a scowl on his face and his hands jammed in his jeans pockets. He kicked at a rock buried in the sand with his boot. Her stomach flipped over. This is a bad idea, she thought. I just want to go back to the cabin and read. Unfortunately, Hannah had seen him too.

  “There Liv, look at that little boy. He’s here all alone too. I bet he could use a friend.” Liv was skeptical, but felt she had no choice, as now the boy was watching.

  “Go on.” Hannah gave her an encouraging push in his direction. With no choice she walked over to where he stood.

  “What?”

  His gruffness took her back a little. She glanced back at Hannah who waved her on. She turned back to the boy determined. “My name is Livvy. What’s yours?” Her words quickly tumbled out of her mouth. She bit her bottom lip as she waited for him to respond.

  “Cameron.”

  “Oh…” Liv stood awkwardly in his silence. She stared at him, trying to think what to say next.

  “You got something on your shirt there.” He gestured toward her shirt. “It looks like some kind of bug…”

  “Get it off!” She looked down toward where he was pointing, stifling the urge to scream as he bumped the end of her nose with his finger.

  “Gotcha!” He smiled then, showing one dimple in the corner of his month.

  Liv laughed. Relief flooded her. “Good one!”

  Just then, the naturalist called the kids around her and went over the rules of the hike. Stay on the trail. Keep together. No running. After what seemed an eternity, they finally began to walk. Liv turned to find Hannah, but she was already headed back to the car. “See you in a little while,” she called to Liv. Livvy waved, letting Hannah know she was okay.

  Liv followed behind Cam as the naturalist pointed out various native plants and trees along the path. However, she wasn’t paying much attention to what the naturalist was saying. Liv was too busy studying Cam. She pulled off a long piece of fox tail as they walked along. She suppressed the urge to giggle as she used the furry end to tickle the back of Cam’s neck. He swatted at it twice without turning around. After the third time, Liv couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer.

  He swiveled around to face her as the others continued on the path. “Gotcha! We’re even now!” She smirked, waving the weed in front of him.

  “Not even close!” He lunged toward her to tickle her. She screeched and ran just out of his reach. She raced to catch up with the others with him on her heels. Her stomachache a thing of the past, they became fast friends that summer.

  Lost in her thoughts of the past, Liv realized she was staring at Cam and glanced away, embarrassed that he’d caught her watching him. She envied her daughter. Liv couldn’t remember the last time she was that carefree and happy. What she wouldn’t give to be eight again and to have the knowledge she had now. Who wouldn’t? Would she change anything, though? She didn’t know. She loved Sara so much – having her was the one thing she wouldn’t change for sure. Would she have let Cam walk out of her life back then? No way.

  Liv started to feel her arms tingle and longed to feel normal in her own body again. At least act normal. Liv told herself over and over. Do not let him think you’re crazy. She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she stretched out her legs. That’s better. Just relax. Take a deep breath. She felt something crawling on the back of her neck and reached back to slap it away.

  “Gotcha!” Cam waved a fox tail at her. Smiling, he dropped into the chair next to hers.

  He remembered, too.

  “You’ve got yourself a great daughter there. She reminds me of a miniature Livvy. She looks just like you did back then and she’s just as chatty and smart as you were too.”

  Liv blushed. “Come on! I was never that chatty.”

  “Ha! You were always yammering on about something or other.”

  “Was I? I don’t remember that.”

  “I do. It was one of the things I liked about you. You’re awfully quiet now, though. What’s up?”

  “Nothing, really.” She couldn't bear to tell him what a failure her life had been thus far. How her marriage had fallen apart and how she was now letting her panic get the best of her.

  “Come on. Tell me what’s bothering you. You used to tell me everything. I’m still a good listener you know.”

  “That was years ago! I barely know you now.”

  “Yeah, you do. I haven’t changed that much since then.”

  “Dinner’s ready!” Hannah called.

  “Lucky you, saved by the dinner bell!” Cam jo
ked. He easily pulled Livvy to her feet. “Let’s go eat. You’ll spill it when you’re ready.”

  He sure is confident in himself, Liv thought as she watched him walk to the back porch. That hasn’t changed either.

  Chapter Two

  Hannah set a platter of burgers and dogs in the middle of the picnic table. She assessed the spread before her to determine if they had everything. Eying the steaming corn-on-the-cob, she realized she’d forgotten the butter. She hurried back into the kitchen to get the “spray” butter for Sara and a stick of butter for everyone else. As she was sifting through the silverware drawer for a butter knife, she came across some corn skewers. She remembered how much Liv and her sisters used to love using the miniature corn-on-the-cob handles to eat their corn. They’d been so excited about trying them out the day they’d talked her late-husband, Jack, into buying them at the camp store. He indulged his grandchildren and enjoyed every minute. Hannah shook herself out of the past and scooped up the corn skewers as well.

  When she returned to the back porch, Sara, Liv and Cam were already seated around the table. She did one last scan of the table.

  “I think that’s everything. Can I get anyone anything else?”

  “No, Gram. We’re fine. Sit down and eat,” Liv answered.

  “Well, okay.” Hannah lifted her leg over the picnic table bench and sat down. She laid a paper napkin in her lap. “Sara, would you please say the grace for us tonight.”

  “Sure Grandma,” Sara answered and bowed her head to recite the familiar prayer, “Come Lord Jesus, be our guest. Let these gifts to us be blessed. Amen.”

  “Amen,” everyone repeated in unison.

  Hannah stabbed a hamburger and passed the plate to Cam.

  “Everything looks really good, Mrs. Adams. You really out did yourself.” He scooped a big spoonful of her home-made German potato salad onto his plate.

  “Thanks, Cameron.” Hannah blushed and ran her fingers through her hair.

  “What are these thingies for?” Sara asked holding up two plastic corn skewers.

  “They’re for the ends of your corn,” Liv answered her daughter. “See, you stick them in the ends of your corn-on–the-cob and use them like handles so you don’t burn your fingers.” Liv demonstrated the technique. Sara couldn’t get hers to go into the thick cob.

  “Here, let me help you,” Hannah offered.

  “Thanks Grandma!” Sara pushed her plate toward her grandmother. “Ohhh cool! Spray butter! Can I have some?”

  Cam passed the spray butter down to Sara and she proceeded to drown her corn in butter.

  “I think that’s enough butter now Sara!” Liv said.

  “Just one more squirt Mom!” She sprayed her corn one last time, picked up her corn by the handles and took a big bite. “Yummy!”

  Liv looked down at her plate, but she wasn’t hungry. She picked up her corn and made an attempt to eat.

  “I remember the day Grandpa bought us these corn skewers at the camp store.”

  “Maddy spotted them and wouldn’t give up until he got them for us. I remember how he grumbled that we’d probably only use them once and then they’d sit in the bottom of the drawer.”

  “To prove him wrong, Maddy always drug them out of the drawer every time we had corn-on-the-cob. She’d never admit they were kind of awkward to use,” Hannah added.

  “I know! She probably burned her fingers more trying to get the things into the end of the corn, than if she’d just picked the corn up with her hands.” Liv laughed and started to relax a little.

  “What’s Maddy up to these days?” Cam asked.

  “Aunt Maddy’s at college,” Sara answered. “She’s going to be a famous photographer someday. She’s always taking pictures!”

  “That’s true, Sara. Maddy will graduate next summer. She took some time off between high school and college to travel,” Liv answered.

  “Wow, time sure does fly by! I remember when she was just a preschooler. What about Mr. Adams?” The table grew quiet for a moment and Cam realized his mistake immediately. He hadn’t seen any sign of Mr. Adams in the cottage other than photographs. Hannah set her fork down and smoothed her sleeveless plaid blouse before speaking.

  “Jack passed away about three years ago,” Hannah replied, the pain still raw in her voice. “He had a stroke in his sleep. I made his favorite breakfast – pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon. I went back to the bedroom to wake him. I thought it was unusual he hadn’t come to the kitchen with the breakfast smells as he usually did. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn’t…” Hannah’s voice broke.

  “It’s okay. I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember how much you loved each other.”

  Oblivious to the somber mood that had fallen over the table, Sara abruptly changed the subject. “Cam, Grandma says you and my Mommy were friends when you were my age. Is that true?”

  “We sure were,” Cam answered her, grateful to change the topic. “Your Mom and I were best friends. We only saw each other during the summer, but during that time we did everything together. Swimming, hiking, biking, canoeing…”

  “What was my Mom like back then?”

  “Oh, she was a lot like you Sara.”

  “Really?” Sara seemed surprised and happy at the same time.

  “Yup. She was a non-stop talker and full of questions. She always had a story to tell. She wrote everything down in a spiral notebook that she took everywhere she went.”

  “Mom says I talk too much and that I drive her crazy with my questions.”

  “Nah. It’s good that you have something to say. You just need to remember to be a good listener sometimes too.”

  Sara bit into her extra-buttery sweet corn and nodded her head in agreement.

  Liv poked at the baked beans left on her plate and finally pushed her plate away.

  “Can I be done too?” Sara asked. Nothing got past her. Liv looked over at her daughter’s plate. She’d eaten all of her potato chips, half of her ear of corn and taken exactly one bite out of her hotdog.

  “Take one more bite of your hotdog and finish your corn-on-the-cob and then you can get down.”

  “C’mon Mom, do I have to? I’m full and I don’t like my hotdog. It’s burned. Besides you didn’t eat all your food.”

  Liv sighed. “I know, but you are a growing girl and need to eat well so you can get bigger.” Liv persisted not wanting to give into the child.

  “Listen to your mother, Sara. It’s just a couple more bites. Besides, if you don’t, I won’t be able to make you a s’more later on,” Hannah chimed in.

  “You don’t want to miss the s’mores! They’re so yummy,” Cam added.

  “Just one bite of hot dog?”

  “And the rest of your corn,” Liv added.

  Sara took a teeny, tiny bite of her hot dog. “There, one bite of hotdog,” she said as she set her fork down triumphantly.

  Liv frowned at the size of Sara’s bite, but decided to let it go. Sara then picked up her corn-on-the-cob by the handles. “Look, I’m a beaver!” She gnawed on the corn cob as she made a goofy face.

  Liv laughed. “You make a great beaver!”

  “All done!” Indeed the corn cob did look like a beaver chewed on it.

  “Okay, you can get down. Take your dishes out to the kitchen, please,” Liv instructed.

  “Great meal, Mrs. Adams, everything was really good. Thanks for inviting me to stay.” He stood and started gathering the remaining dishes.

  “You don’t have to do that Cam. You’re my guest,” Hannah insisted.

  “I know, but I want to. You made dinner. Now it’s your turn to relax.”

  “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind. I noticed we’re out of graham crackers when I was grilling the burgers. I'll take Sara and run up to the camp store to get some so we can make the s’mores I promised her.”

  “Take your time.”

  Liv and Cam were alone now. She could hear him loading the plates and silverware in the dishwasher as
she gathered the ketchup, mustard and pickle jar. She started to shiver as wave after wave of cold and hot flashed through her body. Not now. She set the items she was holding back on the table. This is not happening. She wiped her clammy palms on her wrinkled pants and ran her fingers through her hair. She felt like she was suffocating as the room closed in on her. She just needed to get some air. She turned to make a dash for the door, her hair falling over her eyes and ran right into Cam.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Liv tried to wedge past him out the screen door.

  “Whoa. Wait. Hold up a second.” Cam noticed that the color had left her face and she was breathing rapidly. “Slow down a little. Sit down a sec. You don’t look...”

  Liv cut him off, “No really, I’m okay. This happens all the time. I just need to get some air, that’s all.”

  “Okay, then let’s go sit down outside.” He led her to the chairs they’d vacated earlier.

  Liv’s skin crawled. She just wanted to escape. Couldn’t he just leave her alone in peace? Hadn’t she humiliated herself in front of him enough for one day? She hunched over in her chair, fidgeting. She couldn’t sit still and started to rise.

  Cam came around behind her and started to massage her shoulders to release the tension. His fingers pressed down and worked the knots at the back of her neck.

  “I can’t do this. I just can’t fight it anymore...” she said her voice a whisper. Defeated, she shrank down in her chair away from his hands. She didn’t have the strength left to fight the anxiety that strangled her.

  “Yes, you can.” Moving around to the front of her chair, Cam knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. “Okay, look at me.” Liv raised her head and met his eyes, tears spilling over the edges. “Yes, you can,” he repeated.

  She shook her head “no.” Waves of unending panic washed over her, sending her to the brink.

  He wiped away her tears and whispered, “It'll be okay. Take a deep breath...” His voice grew soft and soothing. “You can get through this. I’ll help you.”

  “Okay,” Liv nodded and she believed him. She didn’t know why, but she did. Somehow, he made her believe she could be whole again.